each and every day is the start of your next year

first shared via facebook post: January 1, 2019, but still quite relevant here at 2021

The start of the new year.

We celebrate it. Mark it with countdowns, fireworks, champagne, promises. 

But really, any and every day are the start of a new year. 

Each and every day is the start of your next year. 

I’d like to mark December 1, 2018, one month ago today, as the start of an important new year. December 1, we were in Masai Mara, nearing the end of our first retreat and safari. We headed out of camp with the sunrise as we did each day and were welcomed with the sights and sounds of the Mara. This particular 1st was a special one, with all of the big cats and other animals who shared their day with us, and with our expanding human tribe.

We watched a leopard just miss out on her breakfast hunt, and climb a tree to rest and prepare to hunt again later. We watched a lion pride enjoying their breakfast in the bush, and jockeying for who gets to eat when. We watched Amani, a mama cheetah, and her three young cubs enjoy their fill of her breakfast kill, watching out for but not having to fend off hyenas or vultures. We sang Elton John’s “Saturday” song as we made our way through the open plains. Seeing any of these big cats on a safari is special, but seeing all three big cats this same morning was truly miraculous. 

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Our bush breakfast was by the Narok river, with hippos below and blue balled monkeys above (trying to steal our food). And THE best guides in the Mara, Joash, Moses and Ntuala, joined our group coaching circle and gifted us with their stories of what the animals have taught them, as we expanded our own human pride to these beautiful souls. 

I’ve believed and taught for years that we create the future through our conversations.

The ones we have with others, and with ourselves, and the ones we choose not to have at all … and sometimes wish we did.. 

This day marked the beauty of what can be created through unexpected conversations. As our chats in the safari trucks expanded and deepened to what we were seeing and wondering as we watched, one particular morning game drive with a lioness and her cubs opened the door for Joash to share some of his story and his heart with us. And we are all better because of it. 

Before they joined our circle, we had another little conversation. Ntuala asked what it was we were going to do, and I talked our guides through our check-in, reflection, and then said I’d turn it over to Joash, and after that, “who knows what happens next? We will have to wait and see.” To which they all laughed and said that’s what it’s like for them every day on a game drive.

“As much as we want to think as humans that we know what’s going to happen and we are in control on any given day, we aren’t. We plan, but when we get to any given moment, we have to wait and see. ”

Then Ntuala thanked me, taking about how often you are told to go to a meeting without knowing what it’s about or why you’re there. Reminding me that we are all the same, whether our offices are in a skyscraper, on snow, a mine, or in a safari truck, and why I love working with people all over the world in all different settings. 

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So, as I reflect here on New Year’s Day, back to this special December 1st day, I’m thinking about conversations and asking myself: 

• What’s the next conversation you need to have, with yourself or with someone else, to create your future? 

• What’s the future you could be missing because you’re in your own head (second guessing something already past or worrying about something to come), rather than right here in the present? 

May we all find and be more present in our days, meetings and moments in 2019, trusting ourselves and those we’re with to create even better futures together through the conversations we choose to be in. 

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And by the way, December 1 gave us another gift. We ended our afternoon game drive with Romi, one of our favorite leopards, who we first met just outside Governors Camp on our visit three years ago. I’m glad she came back and showed herself again. It’s magical and rare to start and end your day with leopards. I’m not quite sure what it means, but I know it’s special and that magic is something I want to carry into my days this year.

Because every day can be magical, if we look for it. 

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Photos courtesy of Stuart Kerr

we’re halfway there

We’re halfway there. And in the words of Bon Jovi, living on a prayer.

July 2 was the midpoint of the year, so July 3 is like New Year’s Day. It’s mid-year New Year. Or halftime. And what do we usually do at halftime? Take a break. Reset. Look at where we’ve been, what we’ve done, what is and is not working, and where to go from here. 

Last week, I cohosted a virtual gathering for trade union employees called “Finding Our Way Back Together” in connection with A Human Workplace.  In that session, before entering small breakout conversations, we invited participants to close their eyes, and take a walk through the last several months, focusing in on their own experience, personal reality, and personal truth.  

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Join us in your own walk through:

Close your eyes or soften your gaze. Take a deep breath. And another. One more. Remember…

• New Year’s Eve 2019/ 2020. The end of a decade, entering another. Who were you with? What were you doing? How you were feeling? What were your hopes and dreams for 2020?

• In January you might have heard about a virus which began in December in Wuhan, China, 

• Then at some point in February, it became prevalent in Italy, and then, 

• In March, the Coronavirus was in the US, closer to some of you than others, particularly if you’re in the Pacific Northwest or New York 

• We started to hear terms and orders like lockdown, quarantine, stay at home, shutdown

• Much of the US closed as the world closed: businesses and schools sent people home in attempts to slow the spread and “flatten the curve.” 

• Many of us who are privileged enough to have jobs where we can, started to work from home, juggling not only trying to work, but trying to care for ourselves and those we love, whether from afar, or fully together in one home.  

• Perhaps you live alone

• Perhaps you are home with your significant other, or kids

• Perhaps you have aging parents, with you, or alone in their own homes, or in nursing homes, which are also locked down

• Maybe you have family and friends who are healthcare workers, first responders, or other “front line” employees who had to go out to work every day so many could be safe at home

• Maybe you had family or friends who became infected with COVID-19, and recovered, or who passed on and whom you were unable to honor with a memorial service as we would before this time. Or perhaps you know people who became sick or were injured and needed treatment and you had to make difficult choices,

• You’ve tried to keep yourself busy or find things to take your mind off of it all. 

• Maybe you’ve found things that have helped you feel grounded and given you a sense of peace or stability during this time

• You’ve tried to work, you’ve done your best, as you try to “hold it together”

• Maybe you heard about Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Botham Jean, or others, or maybe you didn’t hear about them at all, until

• On May 25, Memorial Day, just over a month ago and the start of our summer, George Floyd was killed by a police officer holding his knee on his throat for over 8 minutes while George repeated, “I can’t breathe.” 

• Then came protests. Peaceful protests, which escalated, sometimes with force from those there to enforce, then riots, then looting,

• Racism is unavoidable and undeniable, 

• All sorts of statements have come out on Black Lives Matter, and the world looks on as the United States seeks to change our future from what has always been in our past 

• June marks Pride month, where LGBTQ rights are honored and celebrated for those individuals who identify here and are struggling for their own rights and recognition 

• And here we are today, halfway there, approaching July 4th, Independence Day, with the country opening up again and COVID cases on the rise…

• And our nation more divided than ever. 

• Sit with that for a moment. Sit with it all. 

• Where are you in it? Life? Work? Family? Community?

• Wherever you are, be in it.

• Take a few more deep breaths, 

• And when you’re ready, open your eyes 

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a bit of reflection 
What are you noticing in yourself?

Not just about what has happened to you, but how you’re feeling as you remember, and now, how you’re feeling right here in this moment.

Where do you feel it in your body? 

Whatever the feeling, it’s welcome.

Feelings are part of being human, they bring us information we need to be more aware and more in ourselves.  

·       Maybe you felt sadness, and it brought tears to your eyes.

·       Maybe some anger or frustration, and tightness in your shoulders or jaw

·       Maybe a sigh of relief, having made it through a tough time, 

·       Or even a sense of pride about how resilient you’ve been, and you sat a little taller

Find your emotions. All of them. Find them in you. Here’s the thing. The emotions are all here to be felt. As Tara Brach says about fear, “it’s real, but it’s not true.” 

·       What is the emotion trying to tell you? 

·       What does it need? 

·       What do YOU need?

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halfway there, and independence
It’s a lot. 2020 is a lot. July 4 here in the USA is Independence Day. I’m thinking about independence, and how important it is as an aspect of being American and what a sense of pride and freedom it represents. 

But as humans we are not independent. We are relational animals. Perhaps even moreso than elephants, lions, apes or herd animals. We are wired for connection. We need it. Looking at the definition of independent, of “not depending on another,” or “not connected with another or each other; separate,” I’m not excited and inspired by being so independent, because we DO need each other. 

The value in independence comes from choice and being in choice. 

Viktor Frankel, a famous holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning is known for his quote: 

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”

— Viktor Frankel

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We can’t change many of our circumstances here in 2020, like we can’t change the weather. COVID is still here. Racism is still here. We may want them to go away, but right now, they exist. This is what is. 

 What do you want to choose? How do you want to be? 

 I choose (and have to remind myself to keep choosing) to be in the now, which is the only moment I can do anything about. I find it far too easy to be worried about the future, and what’s next, but I can’t control that. All I can control is me, right here in this moment. 

And I can choose to take a deep breath or to cry my tears. I can choose to play with my dog or to call my parents. I can choose to pull weeds or to plant flowers. I can choose to write something I hope will help others. I can hug my husband. I can send an email, make a request, share a wish. I can choose how I be in this moment. I can choose to be human, courageous and patient, awakening change® in myself and others. And that choice can lead me to a new feeling in the next moment, and a new future because of what we can generate. 

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Going into this 4th of July, 2020:

• Where will you choose to be independent? What do you want to be independent from? 

• And where will you choose to be connected? To what? To whom? 

• Right here in this moment, what choice will you make for your second half?  

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“Whoa, we’re half-way there
Whoa, livin’ on a prayer
Take my hand and we’ll make it. I swear
Whoa, livin’ on a prayer
”

— Bon Jovi

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In the coming weeks, I’ll be offering virtual sessions of Awakening Change: Step 1, Being Human, previously only held in person at conferences. Dates to be announced in July.

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starting to heal my heart

Feeling the feels. Weeks of exhaustion and tears, feeling the pain from COVID, loss, and so many fears, I joined a women’s new moon gathering, where we were guided to draw what we were feeling. The first thing that came was a weight, a ball and chain. Heavy and dark, holding, confining. Then, a broken heart. Then, teardrops. The time continued and all I could do was scratch more darkness over all of it. So dark, so heavy. Not wanting it to be there. Not wanting to see it. Not wanting to acknowledge it. Tears streamed from my eyes as I continued to move my pen and cover it with more darkness. 

Then, the leader asked us to transform the drawing into something new, just like we can transform energy in our lives. Nature changes season and there’s new growth and blossoming in the spring after the dark of winter. My thinking brain couldn’t imagine how to draw something that would make all that darkness transform into something new….something better…so I just sat and looked at it through my tears…

Then there it was. All I had to do was wrap all that darkness in more heart. Love it, every bit of the dark, the tears, and the brokenness, and hold it, comfort it, feel compassion for it, and me. Because we all have pain. We all are broken. We all feel and fear and experience darkness in life in one way or another. It’s part of being human. 

Most of us have a tendency to hide or numb pain, thinking it’s something no one should see or know. Perhaps it’s a desire to be or appear perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect human. Being human is about being imperfect. And the beauty is in the imperfection. 

@iamfujimura, Makoto Fujimura

Find the beauty. The Japanese have an artform called Kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired by mending the break with gold or other precious metals, making the brokenness even more visible, and thereby, beautiful. What if we could believe in the beauty within our own broken-heartedness, and be willing to shine light on our own pain, treating it as gold, so we and others can heal? 

Connect. The way we connect with other humans is in our brokenness, our fears, the hard days more than the easy ones. Real is what matters. And real is scary. Risky. We feel vulnerable. Someone might take advantage or hurt us. And yet, this is where freedom lies. This is where if we bring courage to the fear, and trust ourselves with an open heart, a brave heart, we can create an impact, awakening change® in ourselves and the world around us.

When my coach and I landed on a name for my “being rather than doing” view of change, she said “awakening” and it immediately felt right. I didn’t know then that the word awakening was significant, but it is. Every day, we, and all other natural beings, along with the earth herself, wake up. We awake to a new day with new possibilities every morning, every season, every year. Every conversation, every interaction creates a chance for us to wake up and show up differently. Each moment we wake up, we can choose how we be. 

Morning awakening in Masai Mara, Kenya, December 2019

Awakening change happens every day and can occur in any moment, from any person, in any space. So much is awakening right now. Stirring. And people are stepping up, and being human and courageous….and already have been, and must continue to be, patient, to see what sparks will light a fire, and what planted seeds will grow. 

Here’s the thing: Awakening takes energy.

We need to rest. To sleep. To renew.
To give our bodies and souls what they need.

And it’s ok. 

It’s ok to not be ok.
It's ok to sleep 9-10 hours then still need to take a nap. 
It’s ok to cry, a lot.
It’s ok to take a long hot bath or shower or ride or run.
It’s ok to speak out. 
It’s ok to be angry or resentful. 
It’s ok to hide, for a little while.
It’s ok to zone out. 
It’s ok to put you and what you need first, some of the time. 
It’s all ok. 

It’s all human.

And what’s ok for you is up to you.  Only you know you. 

When I was so exhausted and worn down, a friend and healer told me: 

“you have to take care of yourself 51%, so you can take care of others 49%...
and that 2% really matters
- Dr. Babbie Lester”

Last week I was hosting a converstion where a lot of pent up pain was being emptied out. As we concluded, I asked the group:

Where do you INTEND to share love this week:

• First with yourself? (because you have to start there)

• And then, into the world?

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Where will you share your heart,
awakening changes you desire?

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In the coming weeks, I’ll be offering virtual sessions of Awakening Change: Step 1, Being Human, previously only held in person at conferences. Dates to be announced in July.

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With gratitude to teachers, coaches and friends who’ve impacted me and influenced what is shared in this post: Dr. Babbie Lester, Mountain Sage Natural Health; Kirsten Gunnerud, Rocket Trike; Jennifer Ostrich, Ostrich Coaching & Consulting.

Losing things, and letting go to grow

the notebook, in pajaro dunes

last photo of the necklace (bad selfie where i was trying to get andrew zimmern in the background!)

My family and friends will tell you that I’m not very good at keeping track of things: organization and structure are not a strong suit. (Don’t ask how I managed to be a CPA or Six Sigma Black Belt in my earlier years. I think I used up all I had back then). My world is one of organized chaos that only I can see. And it mainly works, except when it doesn’t. 

On a recent trip, it really didn’t. I managed to lose not only one, but two things which were important to me. When you lose something, you realize worth to you. I lost a necklace that was a birthday gift from a friend. It’s a bummer.

But the even more valuable loss was my notebook. A notebook. How can that be? I had no idea just how important it was to me until I realized I’d left it back in our safari camp. I woke up with a sense of panic at 3am airport hotel in Nairobi. I’m in the bathroom searching all of mine and Stu’s luggage, fully packed for our 6am departure. I knew I’d left it behind, but I looked anyway. As I emptied our last bag, I dropped to the floor and started crying. Not just a few tears, but a big ugly cry. Really? Over a notebook? 

I wrote an email to the last place we’d stayed asking them to please check for me. I texted a friend who would give me a virtual hug and comfort. My tears ran out. I went back to bed, put on some soothing music and tried to sleep a bit before our alarm. 

This wasn’t just any notebook. Sure, it had notes for meetings I’d be having next week. But that’s not what made it valuable. What made it valuable were the little, personal things, the ones I remember, and the ones I don’t, but wanted to (which is why I wrote them down)...

It was:

The Rules of Being Human that Kitty gave me after I delivered my Awakening Change, Step 1: Being Human session at a conference back in June. The words are replaceable, but the slip of paper that she’d carried in her notebook for years and decided to gift to me were not.

not the original!

The post it note from our friend Graeme that said “ I’m made up of all the days and moments you don’t see me, not just the ones you do” which has reminded me for years to remember the person behind the person in front of me.

The post it note stuck in the front about “changing my relationship with ________ (the weather) and my “manifesto” (now awakening change) from a conversion with Kendra years ago.

The post it note pages from a lunch in Seattle in March with my coach and friend, Kim, where we talked about awakening change, it being organic and me being organic in it, and lots of other awesome things, like a coach I should meet in Kenya.

The pages with my notes from all sorts of learnings like:

·       My first session of being an LGC at MSOD in Pajaro, and the teachings from Terri, Suzanne, Gary, Chris, Ann, my LGC colleagues and the students, and my insights from the exercises which shined a light on parts of me I didn’t know were there, and helped start to reframe a number of things in my life,

·       Notes from my first Being Human Collaborative which I want to replicate and grow,

·       Conversations with my friend Renee Smith about fear and love at work and her research and our shared dreams of making work more human,

·       ODN in November with Meg Wheatley, Chris Worley and Gary Mangiofico, 

·       Foundations of Generative Leadership in Seattle on my second time around with Bob Dunham- and what struck me on my second rodeo,

·       Workshops with Theo Paradies, a shaman I’ve had the privilege of learning with the last few years, and bits of poetry from those sessions,

·       Marcus Lemonis’ 10 rules to succeed in business.

·       Mike Robbins on the difference between appreciations and gratitude and why both are important from a client workshop 

·       Notes about shift+ and feedback from my friends Jen Ostrich and Pete Barridge,

·       Feedback I received about myself from peers and friends that I wanted to remember.

·       Ideas and dreams starting to be articulated,

tony and me, 2015

And, perhaps the most valuable page in the notebook, (tears forming even now), the page with my notes from my last conversation with my mentor, Tony Petrella, where he told me he had nothing left to teach me, and we were now just friends, peers, and I was like a soul sister born in a different time and place. And a month later, he had an accident and died. 

Losing my notebook felt like losing a part of my soul. And it hurt. It still does.

My husband Stu is one of many beautiful people in my life. He asked me what I think losing these things, and this notebook in particular, is about. I wasn’t ready to move to the lesson, I was still struggling with the loss and grieving it. I knew the answer in my head, which I didn’t say out loud, because I didn’t want to acknowledge it yet. And then Stu said it out loud.

He said, “do you think you lost it because the universe is trying to tell you that you don’t need it? You know everything you need to know. You embody it. The knowledge in the notebook is IN YOU. And now you need to move to your next chapter and to LIVE it. It’s time. It’s time to write the book. It’s time to host the retreats. It’s time.” 

I still needed a couple of days to cry and grieve the loss of my notebook. Stu was kind enough to listen to me bitch as we walked around Amsterdam and to hold me one night in our hotel while I cried. I’m still annoyed with myself for leaving something so precious behind. I need to take better care of what I care about. And, Stu is right. I know what I need to know. I don’t need the notebook. I want it, but don’t need it, like many things in life.

Whoever found my notebook likely saw the value in the paper, which can be scarce in African villages, and I hope it is being used. A friend today said that maybe my old pages are the pages a child is coloring on somewhere. I like that idea. I like it a lot. My loss, small as it is and as big as it was felt, can be the start of someone else’s expression: coloring, writing or whatever that may be. May it have a positive impact, wherever it is. And may my next notebook and next chapter have a positive impact. May I learn my lessons, may I share them, and may I be able to let go of whatever else might be holding me back as I move into this next decade…

awakening change workshop, part 1: being human, june

with meg wheatley at odn: who do you choose to be?, october

beautiful africa, where someone is coloring

no notebook needed, december